31 Ways to Annoy the Inutachi
by CeasedExistence
Summary: 31 ways to annoy each of the major Inuyasha characters. Why 31? Not sure, just be glad it isn't 13. This chapter: Naraku
1. Sesshomaru

**31 Ways to Annoy Sesshomaru**

1) Tell him that he looks girly.

2) Pat him on the head and tell him he's a 'good dog'.

3) Tell Jaken that he should join a union.

4) Tell him that it isn't healthy to keep all of his emotions bottled up.

5) Laugh at his pants and tell him they're dorky.

6) Tell him that he needs to get a haircut.

7) Ask him why he always wears eyeshadow.

8) Tell him that he obviously doesn't hate all humans, since he's so nice to Rin.

9) Ask why he's always so mean to the rest of the Inu-tachi, but he's nice to Kagome.

10) Insist that this means he has a crush on her.

11) Wonder out loud if this means he is cheating on Rin.

12) Whenever you see him, start singing, 'Sesshomaru and Kagome, sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G…'

13) Tell him that he has an inferiority complex.

14) Mutter that Inutashio must have loved Inuyasha more, since he gave him a better sword.

15) Add that this must be why he's afraid of commitment; he wasn't loved enough as a child.

16) Tell him to stop beating Jaken up; it's not his fault he's prettier than him.

17) Wonder out loud if he is anemic.

18) Decide that this would explain why he is always so pale.

19) Suggest that he eat more red meat. Or anything at all, for that matter.

20) Tell him that you think Naraku is prettier.

21) Ask him why he keeps saving Kagura from certain death if he hates Naraku and all of his incarnations so much.

22) Ask him how old he is. Aftere all, he's Inuyasha's older brother, and _he_ was pinned to a tree for fifty years…

23) Ask him when he last washed his hair, because its started to retain its shape.

24) Wonder out loud why he never has to pee.

25) Ask him if he's a vampire. After all, he _is_ really pale and obsessed with the sight of blood…

26) Repeatedly call Rin his 'pet human'.

27) Inform him that it isn't healthy to take orders from a sword.

28) Add that it's just plain weird when you happen to hate said sword, but listen to it anyway.

29) Tell him he's depressed.

30) Force-feed him Prozac.

31) Tell him that he needs to get laid.


	2. Shippo

31 ways to annoy Shippo

1. Repeatidly call him "small"

2. Inform him that his beloved "fox fire" couldn't set a match on fire

3. Play "guess the species" with him

4. Every time he does something "good", look at him and say good…little monkey

5. Force him to sit through every episode of Barney ever made

6. Tell him he looks like a girl

7. Add that the ponytail probably doesn't help

8. Add the bow is just plain weird

9. Ask him how he plans to "avenge" his father when he can't avenge the fish that Inuyasha just stole

10. Tell everyone that he is really a raccoon demon.

11. Every time you see him, wink and say "hey foxy lady …OH MY GOD"

12. Apologize loudly and often for calling him a girl in every village you pass.

13. Ask him why he seems to have such a thing for human girls

14. Buy him a box of pocky and hold it just out of reach.

15. Tell him that he can have the pocky if, and only if he manages to get it away from you

16. Tell him he needs a haircut, badly

17. Inform him that his tail looks like a powder puff.

18. Ask him how old he is; he only looks about six

19. Mutter loudly trying to calculate his real age.

(Lie; demons age slower than humans…carrying the five.)

20. Turn around and point at him, screaming "oh my god, you're a pedophile! –wide eyed

21. Every time he goes to have a bath with Sango and kagome, wink suggestively at him.

22. Make sure they see you winking at him.

23. As he walks by, mutter something like, "have fun" under your breath

24. Make sure that both Sango and Kagome hear what you say to him

25. Try to convince them that Miroku said it.

26. When he comes back all red from the hot water, tease him about having a full-body blush.

27. Say, in the creepiest voice you possibly can, "what have you been doing, Shippo"?

28. For added effect, leer suggestively at him and chuckle darkly.

29. Take away his spinning top and tell him that little boys shouldn't be playing with such dangerous things.

30. Tell him that his point ears make him look like an elf.

31. Ask him if he develops armadillo armor every time he curls into a tiny ball.


	3. Hakudoshi

31 Ways to Annoy Hakudoshi

Tell him he shouldn't play with weapons that are taller than he is.

Tell him he needs to get out more; he's too pale.

Take him to see _My Little Pony: The Musical._

Get him the _My Little Pony _collector's edition.

Buy him the soundtrack for Christmas.

Refuse to give it to him; you forgot that he doesn't celebrate Christmas.

Play it loudly whenever you see him anyway.

Throw him a care-bears themed birthday party.

Make him wear an old fashioned sailor-boy outfit. Insist he includes the hat.

Tell him that he's 'adorable'.

Force him to watch hours on end of Barney and Teletubbies.

When he asks why, tell him he's only allowed to watch television that matches his intelligence level.

Tell him that his hair is pretty.

Call him a sociopath.

Give him a voodoo doll for his birthday; tell him it's of Inuyasha.

Conveniently forget that it's really of Naraku.

Ask him why he always walks funny.

Decide that it must be because his pants are giving him a super wedgie.

Wonder out loud why he is always so angry.

Ask him if everything is okay at home.

No matter how he responds, decide that Naraku must be molesting him.

Call Child Services.

Wonder out loud if mental disturbance runs in the family.

Put him in foster care.

Tell him that he looks like a girl.

Braid his hair into pigtails while he isn't looking.

Coat them with super glue so that he can't get them undone.

Tell his that he doesn't eat enough vegetables.

Follow him around reciting 'Candy is dandy, but fruit makes you poop!'

Tell him that 'you must be _this_ tall to ride the scary, flaming demon horse from hell.'

Advise him to try the Strawberry Shortcake Merry-go-Round instead.

* * *

_A/N: As far as the last one goes, I actually went to a carnival once with a Strawberry Shortcake themed merry-go-round. After going on about 20 scary rides that threw you up and down, back and forth, and generally defied gravity while trying to make you hurl, I was fine. And then I got the the merry go round from hell. I was so dizzy I had to get off- it was really embarassing._


	4. Miroku

**31 Ways to Annoy Miroku**

1) Look at him funny every time he calls himself a 'holy man'.

2) Tell him that the only way he'll ever be a holy man is if Sango stabs him repeatedly for grabbing her ass- _again_.

3) Wonder out loud if he realizes he's wearing a dress.

4) When he insists it isn't a dress, raise an eyebrow and point out the giant bow on his chest.

5) Add loudly that the little ponytail doesn't help the overall image.

6) Steal his hair tie.

7) Loudly inform him that he has a 'baby mullet'.

8) Every time he hits on someone other than Sango, loudly comment that you thought monks were supposed to practice celibacy.

9) Add that, on the other hand, that probably doesn't apply to men pretending to be monks so that they can get laid.

10) Tell him that he looks like a girl.

11) Add that maybe that's why no woman wants to bear his child- they're straight!

12) Add something along the lines of 'unlike you'.

13) Ask him why he carries a golden staff around.

14) Especially one that makes noise. Isn't that tinkling sound like a homing device for hungry/angry demons?

15) And while we're on the topic of his outfit, socks with sandals? SO not cool. Ever.

16) Tape record the Mr. Rogers theme song.

17) Set it to 'Play' and hide it somewhere in his massive amount of clothing while he isn't looking.

18) See how long it takes for Inuyasha to attack him with this new form of 'encouragement'.

19) Tell him that Sango is a lesbian.

20) Add that she and Kagome are together.

21) Inform him that the only way he'll end up with Sango is if he manages to get Inuyasha and Kagome together.

22) Tell him that in a few years, the Romans are going to come, preaching Christianity.

23) Point out that this means he can only ever sleep with one woman.

24) And they have to be married first.

25) And he'll be out of the job.

26) Every time he does something 'bad', threaten to castrate him.

27) Get creative with this. Ie. 'Do that again and I'll castrate you with blunt nail clippers!'

28) Proceed to show him what nail clippers are.

29) Ask him why he's the only one in the group to not have an animal/demon pet.

30) List them off: 'Sango has Kilala, Kagome has Shippo, Inuyasha is self-explanatory, Sesshomaru has Jaken, Rin has Ah Uhn…'

31) Burn all of his porn. If you happen to accidentally get his 'cursed' hand, well… oops.


	5. Sango

**31 Ways to Annoy Sango**

Nickname her giant boomerang 'Mr. Ouch'

Ask her if she ever gets dizzy from watching Mr. Ouch spin.

Tell her to just admit that she likes Miroku already!

Add that, after all, it's not like he'll ever figure it out on his own.

Wonder out loud why she is always hitting Miroku, if she likes him so much.

Decide it must be because she's a masochist(1).

Wonder if she and Naraku have little brainstorming sessions for their masochistic tendencies.

Shudder and mutter, 'Now _that's_ just plain creepy.'

Ask if this means that she's forgiven him for killing her family and enslaving her little brother.

Mutter something along the lines of, 'So much for blood being thicker than water…' as loudly as you can get away with.

Do this especially loudly whenever she sees Kohaku.

Tell her that she's a drama-queen.

Ask her why it never seems to be her time of the month.

Add that, on the other hand, it might _always_ be her time of the month.

Inform her that the frequent mood swings and almost constant violence probably don't help people when it comes to telling the difference.

Ask her how old she is.

Add that, after all, her little brother is only eight, but somehow she's old enough to bear children.

Wonder out loud how on earth _that_ works.

Suggest that she should go to therapy –she seems to have some unaddressed aggression.

Add that some anger management wouldn't go wrong, either.

And while she's at it, try for some relationship counseling with Miroku.

Tell her she's the original tomboy.

Comment loudly on the fact that she feels the need to protect her groin with armor, but her chest is completely unprotected.

Mutter that, on the other hand, maybe her ass needs the armor more, since that's what Miroku keeps grabbing.

Tell her that her kimono is ugly.

Tell her that Miroku likes Kagome better.

Force her to wear Kagome's school uniform.

Make her bend over as often as possible.

Teach Miroku to use a camera.

Ask her why her clothes never seem to get dirty.

'Accidentally' show her Miroku's new collection of pictures.

* * *

(1)-

**mas·och·is·tic **màssə kístik 

_adjective_

**1. ** **of or feeling masochism: **relating to or experiencing the desire to be humiliated and abused by others in order to feel sexually fulfilled **2. ** **liking and inviting misery: **tending to invite and enjoy misery

-**mas·och·is·ti·cal·ly**, _adverb_

**Microsoft® Encarta® 2007. © 1993-2006 Microsoft Corporation. All rights reserved.**

_Clearly I am referencing the second use in this case._


	6. Jaken

**31 Ways to Annoy Jaken**

Tell him that he is stalking Sesshomaru.

Follow him around and repeatedly call him a creepy little toad-man.

Ask him why he's so jealous of Rin.

Decide that it must be because Sesshomaru likes Rin better.

Continuously ask him if he's feeling alright- he's looking a little green.

Wake him up every morning by singing, 'Maybe she's born with it; _Maybe it's Maybelline!_'

Look at him and cringe as often as possible.

Stare at him and mutter, 'So _that's_ why you wash the mask off after twenty minutes…'

Loudly comment that people like him are the reason that dermatologists make so much money.

Take his Staff of Two Heads away. (Does anyone else see how that name can be taken in a very wrong way? Just wondering)

Tell him he's wearing a dress.

Stare blankly at his hat for long periods of time.

When he asks why, burst out laughing and say, 'If you don't know, I'm not telling you.'

Ask him if he's absolutely _positive_ he's a toad demon.

When he insists he is, respond with, 'Why do you have a beak, then?'

Hold his staff just out of reach and tell him to jump for it.

Make sure you do this near a cliff.

Tell him that little boys shouldn't play with such dangerous toys.

Then look embarrassed and stammer, 'I mean, little… toad… things… what _are_ you, anyway?'

Paint a bullseye on his ass.

When he asks why, tell him that you're just making Sesshomaru's life easier.

Every time Sesshomaru kicks him, measure and record the distance.

Proudly and loudly inform Sesshomaru every time he sets a new record.

Tell him that he screams like a girl.

Inform him that he is in an abusive relationship with Sesshomaru.

When you realize what you've just said, make a face and scream, '_EWWWWWWWWW!_'

Latch on to Sesshomaru's legs and let him drag you around, screaming, 'Say it ain't so, Fluffy! Say it ain't so!'

Call Sesshomaru 'Fluffy-sama' whenever you see him. Make sure Jaken sees and hears this every time.

For added effect when Jaken isn't around, hide in the bushes and mimic Jaken's voice.

Tell him that he needs to go find a nice lady toad.

Cuddle him at completely random moments. This is especially effective around other demons- try yelling something along the lines of, 'Protect me, toad-thing!'


	7. Inuyasha

31 Ways to Annoy Inuyasha

Make him another necklace of holy beads.

Set it to go off every time someone says his name.

Refuse to use his name. Call him 'Dog-boy' instead.

Tell him that Sesshomaru is cooler in the brattiest voice you can muster.

Follow him around while constantly singing, 'Tre-semme, Oh, La La!'

Mutter loudly about how strange it is that all bishonens seem to have long hair.

Tell him that Kagome likes Miroku more.

Steal Kagome's underwear and tell her that he did it.

Fill up a squirt bottle with really cold water.

Instead of 'sitting' him, squirt him on the back of the neck whenever he does something 'bad'.

Whenever he does something good (ie. Saving someone), call him a 'good boy' and give him a treat.

Tell him that Kikyo is a whore.

Tell everyone you see that he is a stray.

Sic the people from the SPCA on him.

Get him a flea collar.

Send him to etiquette school.

Tell him that red is _not_ his color.

Send the Stylin' Gypsies after him.

Force him to go shopping with Kagome.

Tell him he's 'pretty'.

Force large amounts of alcohol down his throat.

When he asks why, tell him you're doing a study on the alcohol tolerance of half-demon.

Burn all of his ramen and start quoting Jack Sparrow ("But _why_ is the ramen gone?")

Tell him to stop glaring at Shippo; it's creepy, and he looks like a pedophile.

List every guy that Kikyo has ever been with. (Onigumo, Inuyasha, Sesshomaru, Naraku, Suikotsu, Kohaku…)

Inform him that he is an idiot, because he's still in love with a dead girl and using it as an excuse to not admit his feelings for Kagome.

Continuously mutter loudly about how badly trained he is.

Add something along the lines of, 'Oh well, at least he has 'sit, boy' down.'

Ask him what breed he is.

Answer your own question- 'Oh yeah! A half-breed!'

Throw a stick and look at him expectantly. When he asks why, say, 'Well? Aren't you going to fetch?'


	8. Kagome

31 Ways to Annoy Kagome

Refuse to use her name under any circumstances.

Call her 'Priestess' or 'Reincarnation' instead.

Tell her that she looks nothing like Kikyo; Kikyo is much prettier.

Add something along the lines of 'Hell, _Kaede_ is prettier.'

Tell her that for a girl who spends most of her time hopping around battlefields in the Feudal Era, she certainly is easily stressed.

Wonder out loud why, even though she is rarely able to bathe, she never seems to get sweaty.

Comment on how her hair is so dirty, it's gone round the bend- it actually looks clean again.

Tell her that bringing so much future stuff into the past is bound to seriously mess up the time stream sooner or later.

Add that, on the other hand, maybe she will get lucky and be able to take a bath in it.

Tell her that for a fifteen year old girl, she has freakishly good skin.

Inform her that with the amount of time she spends in the sun, combined with that short skirt, you'd think she would be able to get at least a base tan.

Roll your eyes and mutter loudly, 'But _noooo_, she's still fish pale!'

Decide that this cannot be healthy.

Buy her some instant tanner and warn her about the evils of skin cancer.

Mutter about how strange it is that although she has been in the Feudal Era for about two years now, she has never once gotten poisen ivy.

Inform her that sleeping on the ground that often can _not_ be good for your back.

Add that the monstrous, neon-yellow backpack probably doesn't help, either.

Tell her that wearing such a short skirt is indecent.

Tell her that hopping around the forest on the back of a red-clad, white haired half demon while carrying a neon yellow backpack is like painting a giant bulls-eye on her ass.

Comment on how odd it is that the aforementioned monstrous, neon-yellow backpack always seems to just magically disappear whenever it isn't plot necessary.

Add that the magically appearing ramen is just a _little_ bit creepy.

Tell her to stop griping about being weaker than Kikyo and just get Kaede to teach her, already!

Mention how strange it is that she has a cat- you always figured her for more of a dog person.

Wonder out loud why she never seems to have to do laundry or change her clothes, and yet her clothes are always clean and perfectly mended.

Ask her what happens to her bow and arrows when she's not using them- they always seem to mysteriously disappear.

Use Photoshop to paste her head onto a picture of a girl in a cat suit (you know the ones…)

Give said picture to Inuyasha, and video-tape his reaction.

Sell several of these pictures to Miroku.

Convince him to ask for her autograph.

Ask her what she does when it's 'that time of the month'.

Decide that the only reason she 'sits' Inuyasha so much is that she likes seeing him lying on the ground. Add that Miroku must be rubbing off on her.


	9. Naraku

**31 Ways to Annoy Naraku**

Tell him that he really, _really_ needs a bath.

Add that a haircut couldn't go wrong, either.

Ask him why he always wears eye shadow.

In your snobbiest voice, squeal, 'Hey, Naraku, _**hate**_ the outfit!'

Insist on calling him 'Naru-chan'.

Follow him around while loudly repeating his new nickname.

Ask him if there's any relation to that perky blond demon container/ninja.

Wonder out loud if he's gay.

Tell him that with all of the bishonens around, you don't blame him!

Decide that this is why he's stalking Inuyasha.

And, to a lesser degree, Sesshomaru.

Comment loudly that he must be a masochist, with the way he treats them.

Ask him if he ever goes to the bathroom. (How many ways do _you_ spell relief?)\

Wonder out loud if he just goes in his pants.

Decide that this must be why his pants are so puffy.

Tell him that it isn't healthy to be so freaking pale.

Ask him if he's a vampire.

Comment loudly that he never would have made it in the world of motivational speaking.

Add that, on the other hand, he could have had a _wonderful_ career in the mafia.

Ask him if Kagura is his pet.

Give him dirty looks every time he gets near Kan'na or Kohaku.

When he asks why, whack him upside the head and scream, '_Pedophile_!'

Wonder out loud if he and Kagura getting together would count as incest.

Ask him why he is obsessed with Hakudoshi.

Accuse him of narcissism.(1)

Tell him that he has a God complex.

And an abandonment complex.

And a superiority complex.

On second thought, he just has problems- lots and lots of problems.

Call him a sadist.

Send him to therapy. Make sure Kagome is the therapist. Give her chocolate and espresso before every session.

* * *

(1)- 

**nar·cis·sism **nrssə sìzzəm 

_noun_ **1. ** **self-admiration: **excessive self-admiration and self-centeredness **2. ** **personality disorder: **in psychiatry, a personality disorder characterized by the patient's overestimation of his or her own appearance and abilities and an excessive need for admiration. 

In psychoanalytic theory, emphasis is placed on the element of self-directed sexual desire in the condition. Early 19th century. After Narcissus 

**Microsoft® Encarta® 2007. © 1993-2006 Microsoft Corporation. All rights reserved.**


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